You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
