I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
