Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
