just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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