There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
