You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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