do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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