I am spending my child support on dildos
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
