Cold hands, warm shart.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
