Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
