The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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