my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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