Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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