I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
