The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Too much gin, very little bucket
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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