New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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