would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
