Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
