I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
