I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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