Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
