i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
