you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
