Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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