dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
