I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
