Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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