Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
