Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
