We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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