Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
