I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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