I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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