Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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