I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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