did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
as a side note pls kill me
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