My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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