I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
