i think my mom watched the whole time
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
