Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
