I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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