just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
