Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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