Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
