forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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