OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
