you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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