i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
