i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
