dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
