I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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