the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
