Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
