Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize