I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
