I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
