So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
