I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
