she smelled like a LAN party
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
