Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we should paint friendship bongs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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