i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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