the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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