i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
