you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
