I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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