I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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