You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize