even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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