I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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