The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
