I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Two words: nipple clamps
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